To say that the past week has been anything but satan’s fist would be a complete lie. As my colleagues scramble to secure their crops and Neil’s struggle to cool themselves in a warehouse without A/C, he and I have crossed the threshold into our final month of being boyfriend and girlfriend. The majority of our sweat is increasingly not from the temperatures outside. There seem to be few moments free of something that doesn’t have to be done, considered, concluded, bought, reserved, paid for, altered, checked on, double checked and fought over. Thankfully we’re still under budget and at the very end of our guest-hunt for RSVPs. The centerpieces, although hurt by several harsh days in the sun are coming along (crossing fingers) and we’ll pick up my finished dress this week. We also ordered a beautiful cake today, can’t wait to NOM it!
I must say that I’m nearing the end of already limited patience with this event. Spending the better part of a year planning one day makes it nearly impossible to not want to scream “oh on with it already!” at least once a day if not more with colorful lingual insertions I won’t repeat. I’m ready for wifery. I’m ready for a routine that doesn’t obsess but can relax and take this all in. I’m ready to attend other weddings, do some more freelance, and be someone else’s punching bag when they go through it (believe me, it’s better on the other side). I’m ready to combine my life with Neil’s and barrel forward singularly. I’m just ready…
…and yet, there are really so many things left to do. I have to nurse these centerpieces, finish boutineers, finalize the bouquet, create itineraries, maps, and schedules, and I have yet to organize our honeymoon in the slightest. Eep!
Yet it has just been in the past day that all of the “why” is kicking in. I’ve been planning in a fog for a year. People asking if I was excited or ready to be a wife, and I’d answer almost blankly because it hadn’t really hit me in scope what and how much will be different about my life and how different it already is.
All in all we’re trying to remain calm. In looking at other brides, I feel as if I should be more giddy, blushy, girly and gleeful, but I’m not. Maybe I’m too practical. Maybe I’m just ‘that’ girl. I’ve kinda approached this whole thing like I approach freelance (oh how I miss you freelance) or a task at work: SEIZE! CONQUER! COMPLETE! I’m trying to enjoy it, and take the time to build a memorable experience, but we’ll see. Mostly I just crave the afterward and a progressive, onward moving life with this man I love so much…who as we speak is gleefully shouting at the 12 year-olds he’s slaughtering in World of Warcraft. Ah amoré.